50 Funny Facebook Quotes

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Facebook is probably the most love social media site ever with billions of members. People share their thoughts, make new friends and have a whole lot of fun. Many creative people post some hilarious quotes on Facebook. Here are 50 of the funniest and most inspirational Facebook quotes:

You can’t be late until you show up

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but I’m actively waiting for my problems to go away.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

I have a busy day ahead… I have trouble to start; rumors to spread and people to argue with.

If a mute person burps, does it make a sound?

Finding a job in this economy is like playing “Where’s Waldo?”… except that Waldo is looking for a job, too.

If your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” maybe you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”.

How long do you think it would take to solve a Rubik’s cube if you were color blind?

“Dammit I’m Mad” is spelled the same way backwards. Think about it.

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY!!!” So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?

Dear Facebook, Please stop asking me what’s on my mind. I’m gonna get myself in trouble if I keep spilling my guts to you

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

If the game doesn’t freeze every 6 minutes, then you’re not watching FOX

If winning doesn’t matter, then why keep score?

Someone at work said to me, “Inquiring minds want to know if you have a boyfriend” I said, “Yes, I do, but don’t tell my husband.”

If you’re so caught up in avoiding lightning, you may not ever enjoy a single thunderstorm

One of the great regrets in my life is that I suffered so many assholes so gladly for so many years, all for the sake of a paycheck.

Dear Life, You have some explaining to do…

All men’s souls are immortal, but the souls of the righteous are immortal and divine ~ Socrates

A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal

If I’m not back in five minutes… just wait longer. ~ Ace Ventura

Serenity Now = Insanity Later

”The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” ~ Julius Caesar

The fact that I woke up this morning means that the assassins have failed again.

I was complimented on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said, “Parking Fine”

I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up

Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten

Death is life’s way of telling you that you’ve been fired. Suicide is your way to tell life, “You can’t fire me, I Quit!”

Life’s a bitch, if it were easy it’d be a slut.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced. ~ Frank Zappa

Every rule has an exception, especially this one.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

War doesn’t determine who’s right, it determines who’s left.

A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…

I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them

Don’t let your mind wander; it’s too little to be let out alone.

I wouldn’t say you’re stupid. You are, but I wouldn’t say it.

Don’t look now, but I’m hiding under your bed.

I wonder if Ikea has a decaf coffee table

Scratch here ?????????? to reveal today’s status.

Tip of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”

Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?

People think I’m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they’re stupid)

I used to be good at sports. Then I realized that I could buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything.

Grammar is important. For instance, commas save lives, such as in this example: “Let’s eat grandpa.” vs. “Let’s eat, grandpa”

The angle of the dangle is adversely proportional to the heat of the beat.

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